Hard Loser

Grrrr, doesn't even begin to describe where my head is right now. So many figure girls are hard gainers=they have a hard time putting on muscle. Not me. I'm a hard loser. Fat LOVES my body. I may not be able to hit my September 5th show date. Not for lack of determination...I am just progressing sloooooowly. Ridiculously slowly. Fat Albert would be stage ready by now compared to my pace. I'm pissed. You work hard and do everything right and you expect very visible results. I WANT this. I want to compete and do really well. I'm not just doing it to do it. I did that already. I got on stage to try it out. It felt awesome. Being in that shape on stage this time would not feel awesome. I'm working my butt off and I have put SO much into this. I don't have the luxury of time but I'm giving as much time to this as possible.

A few people said to me the last time I competed "you have the body of an off season figure pro". So if I just work hard enough and get lean enough....I'LL LOOK LIKE A PRO! right? I just want to see if this is a path for me. My metabolism is screaming NO! Maybe there are just more layers to this onion than I thought. Fat layers. Grrrr.

My coach is super supportive about doing this show or pushing it back, whatever I feel is right. It's good to have someone in your corner that "gets it". This is way too much suffering for a lot of people....1/2 of this would be too much suffering for a lot of peope.

I'm looking at 3 different shows on September 26th. That would give me 3 more weeks. I'd have to travel a bit though and not have nearly the audience I'd have here. Every scream helps :)

I will continue to push and shoot for my original show date and see what happens. I will ask my body to cooperate. I am very proud of where I am either way. I'm a beast. I can do this.